i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
