OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my shit smells like andre
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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