I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I sprained my soul last night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
