I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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