Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
