half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i believe in u and ur pee
Panties = found
Randomize
