he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
