I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
