Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
