Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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