just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
