bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
