Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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