so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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