well I can't set my house on fire every night
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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