he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize