You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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