Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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