Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
