i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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