I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
