Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
