You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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