i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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