3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
