I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
