We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
