Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
