pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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