Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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