New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
