There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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