Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
