You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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