she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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