I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I love you. Go after that dick
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
