She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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