Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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