dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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