farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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