Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
