I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
