I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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