she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You are a genius and a whore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
