"it" just moved
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
