the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
