somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
