Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
