oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
