There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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