I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
