you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
