What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
