So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
