It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
