my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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