wat bout pragnant strippers??
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
They have beer where we have blood.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
