Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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