so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize