kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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