Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
