Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
