Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
