pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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