yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
