True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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