Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
