Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
