Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
