Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize