Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
