This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
