speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize