there's paper in my vomit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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