Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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