Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
