he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
