How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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