ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
