Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we're so committed to being not committed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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