I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
