margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
