worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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