Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
