Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
