nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize