Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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