I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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