What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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