So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize