i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
