I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
