Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Even my vagina gasped.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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