Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
