I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize