I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
