Welp...herpes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And then he peed in my hair
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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