Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
