i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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