"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
