and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
