last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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