im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
