so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
